Because Not Every Woman is a Mother

spring

The rites of spring are in full bloom.  Easter, graduations, weddings, and of course, Mother’s Day.

But for many women, this day arrives with dread and heartache.  All the reminders surface of what they are not: a mother.

People, can we please be gentle with these dear ones?

I’m not asking us to gingerly tiptoe around childless women.

I’m not saying that motherhood should be fairly distributed like trophies at a Little League banquet where everyone wins and there is no score.

I’m not writing out of bitterness.

I’m writing from the depths of compassion and empathy I have for hurting women; so many in my life, and so many I will never meet.

Maybe she is infertile.

Or maybe disease has stolen her ability to carry children.

Or maybe she hasn’t found *the one* with whom to build a family.

Or maybe her journey toward adoption is met with every obstacle, or is too expensive to even consider.

Or maybe she has lost a child, young or old, and she spends her Mother’s Day visiting the cemetery.

Or maybe she once had a brush with hope at the chance of motherhood, only to have it rupture inside of her, an ectopic pregnancy leaving her with scars and damaged body parts.

Or maybe her husband has left her.

And yet, just like the cable bill, the cycle of life comes around each month, reminding her of her body’s ingenious capabilities—and of her apparent shortcomings.

It’s an ache unknown to many, like Valentine’s Day to the unloved; so if this is not in your realm of experience, I  propose that you seek these women out and treat them with an added measure of kindness this weekend.

Pastors, Preachers, Teachers, Ministers: Watch your words.  You will likely stand before your congregations on Sunday morning, declare it the Day of Mothers, and find a way to acknowledge every woman blessed with motherhood among you.  In fact, each one was probably handed a carnation as she entered the sanctuary.  Please be mindful that in doing so, you also draw attention to the barren, the hurting, the lonely, the forgotten.

One of my friends will celebrate her tenth wedding anniversary with her husband this year.  Oh, how they have longed for a family!  The miscarriage robbed them of hope.  On Mother’s Day last year, she sat in church as her pastor announced for everyone “who is a mom or who wants to be a mom” to raise their hands.  Absolute ignorance from this man’s mouth.  Is she supposed to sit next to her husband year after year and shrug her shoulders, raise her hand, and let everyone around her know that nope, nothing yet…?  That was the end of their days at that church.  Instead of raising her hand, she and her husband stood and left, and never returned.

And what about all the hurting folks who have lost their mothers, or worse, been abandoned by them?  What gentleness can we offer these precious, pained souls?  The ones among us who, once again, have no one to take to brunch or lavish with calls and cards and corsages; the empty seat at the table that’s just as glaring as the one in the bleachers of a ball game, at a birthday, a graduation, a wedding….  How can we care for those who suffer from this sting so many days of their lives?

I suggest we follow the lead of my dear friend Katie, who knows well the road of suffering and loss, yet in her great compassion and kindness, thoughtfully sent me this tearjerker of a text last year on Mother’s Day.

“Happy Mother’s Day to my best girlfriend!!  OH glorious day when you arrive in heaven and meet your baby! I love you so very much Anna!!! xoxo!!”

All the tears when this showed up.

Isn’t she something?!  She interrupted her own Mother’s Day morning with her husband and four little kiddos to think of me and let me know that I wasn’t forgotten.  No one else has ever done that for me.

So guess what, friends!  Your kindness is noticed!  Your compassion is necessary!

Now tell me, how will you encourage a hurting soul today?

Author:  Anna Floit

thepeacockquill.com

 

“Why” to “What”

 

What?

One husband of 30 years and 3 precious children later, I look back and am so amazed of our journey and how the Lord’s plan has unfolded for us. Going back a bit further I remember how I lined up dolls and stuffed animals because I was their mom and had to take care of them…so when we married in 1985 there was never much of a plan for birth control. By the end of our second year of marriage I knew there was a problem. The doctor’s visits were frequent and brought many disappointments but fortunately our story does not stop there.

In May of 1990, just one day after our 5th anniversary, our first, a beautiful daughter, was laid in our arms. All was well, so we thought. Several months passed and developmentally, our baby girl did not progress to doing things as other 12 – 15 month old babies. We didn’t know what was in store but we did know that the Lord did and he would prepare us every step of the way.

Just one year later, another baby girl came our way. We had so many questions. Why were we so blessed? God had a plan. Two beautiful daughters for us that we thought completed our home. By the time our second daughter could walk, the day of her 1st birthday, we understood part of the plan. Our oldest daughter that was born at 26 weeks, had been diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy and we had been told she would never walk, talk, dress herself, or feed herself. Once she saw our youngest daughter walking, I believed right then she made up her mind to walk and she literally followed in her footsteps. What a blessing and a joy! We celebrated!

Now, I am a believer that God provides us with everything we need and much of what we desire. In our case, I feel like He truly heard my hearts cry and provided more than we deserved. In August of 1999, we brought home one more child, a son! What a full heart we had with this addition to our family.

Today…today our journey continues. Our oldest daughter is out on her own driving her own car and living in her own home and yes she feeds and dresses herself and if you don’t believe she can talk then I challenge you to get a word in edgewise when you are in a conversation with her! We now have a son-in-love as our second daughter has married. We have the pleasure of continuing to raise our son. My heart shivers at the thought of the day that our son leaves home but my head knows that each day is a gift from God and he will always carry me through the difficult times.

Finally, in our family we have changed the question from “Why” to “What”. It is not always for us to know why. Why can’t we have children? Why does my firstborn have cerebral palsy? Why did my heart break when we gave our second child away in marriage? Why is my son growing up so fast?  but, What? What, Lord do you have for us next? What do we do to line up with Your Will for us during this season? What, Lord? Show us.

Author:  Anonymous

Lamentations 3:2-23

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

 

Never Lose Heart in the Desert of Life

NLH pic NLH pic 2

 

Have you ever been in the desert of life where everything seemed barren? You may have felt lifeless, discouraged, unproductive, tired, weary, alone, or lost. It seems as if God has disappeared, and questions flood our minds: Didn’t God promise to “never leave us or forsake us? What went wrong? How did I get here and how can I get out?” I know it all too well.

The desert is a tough place to be, and it can certainly breed doubt, confusion and distrust in God, especially when you feel like you are trying to do the right things and don’t have much more to give. It’s easy to want to throw in the towel and go your own way.

But, the desert is a part of the life God designed for us – even Jesus spent time in the wilderness being tempted, tested, and tried. Maybe it’s a test you are going through. Maybe God is molding you and preparing you for the next season. Maybe it’s a lesson in humility or a time to examine your heart. We may not understand it at the time, but we can trust that there is always a purpose.

I spent a long time in the desert several years ago. I wanted to believe God hadn’t abandoned me and that He had a plan. I thought if I could just get my act together and be a better person, maybe then God would be pleased with me and show me the way. However, the striving got me nowhere and only left me more exhausted. Through the long journey, I began to understand that more than anything, God just wanted me to be still and “be” with Him. To be with Him is to know Him. To know Him is to know His incredible love and grace. To know His love and grace is to know true freedom and the fullness of life. It’s not about what we do for Him. It’s about receiving what He’s done for us — with no strings attached.

The desert is never meant to be permanent place. It is a sign that something grand is yet to come, if we choose to embrace it. Like running a marathon, going through the desert takes endurance and focus. We get tired and thirsty, but there is a reward if we make it to the finish line. And the outcome may be completely surprising, like Never Lose Heart was for me. I never dreamed of writing a book. It’s a product of the desert!

I admit it’s difficult to hear God’s voice in the desert. That is part of the reason it’s called the desert – you feel disconnected. It doesn’t necessarily mean that God has stopped speaking. Perhaps He wants to speak to you in new ways. It can be difficult to “be still” in this day and age, but if we can find a way to clear the clutter from our heads and listen for His gentle voice, that is where the treasure lies – the true wisdom, knowledge, and ability to let go of the lesser important things in life. Whether it’s through nature, scripture, prayer, music, art, people, or any other way, His gentle voice is the stream in the desert. Be consciously aware of what’s around you. And who knows — maybe you will see a heart!

Never lose heart.

Deuteronomy 8:2
Isaiah 43:19

Author:  Connie Smith

neverloseheart.com